You’re not failing

I’m just going to start writing, otherwise I’ll get sidetracked and lose the idea…
So the last time I posted was before I had a minor set back deciding that my grades wouldn’t get me into a good enough university and it made me think that I’d be miserable if I went to somewhere like Manchester Met or Nottingham Trent. I have thought about it a lot more and I think I can put this down to them asking for lower grades, making me think that I wasn’t good enough to go somewhere like Aberdeen for example. After coming to this conclusion I decided to go in for a Geography resit to boost my D to (hopefully) a B; that was the goal. So when Mum came home I worked up the courage to admit to her what I feeling, and as I started to explain to her that I thought I was going to be miserable because I wasn’t good enough I started full-on weeping because let’s be honest, it’s a crap feeling. She listened to me and calmed me down by saying that it may seem overwhelming now because it feels like your whole life depends on 3 letters- my 3 letters being A, B and D- but if you take life one step at a time it won’t seem to heavy like it’s crushing down on you. Of course, being human, it’s very common to look past the really great grades of A and B and look straight to the letter D; you immediately think that the good grades are immaterial because that one ‘bad’ grade will hold you back.

I applied for resits in the nick of time as I emailed my old geography teacher for advice: he emailed me back with the news that the deadline was that next Friday! ‘Phew I haven’t missed it’ was my initial thought. I felt like I would be able to revise for 3 exams no problem because I wasn’t really doing much else. It turns out that revising for something you don’t have any interest in anymore is harder than you’d think. I found I had no motivation to revise: this will be the 3rd time I’m sitting unit 2 and 2nd time sitting units 3 and 4.

Despite endless encouragement, emotional support and pestering from my brother I still haven’t done that much. I’ve been to the library twice in the past fortnight and spent about 6 hours in total in there; I spent about half that time revising for geography; the rest of these 6 hours I spent reading about language and linguistics because thats what really interests me!

While writing about my first wobble, I started getting anxious again and went downstairs to take a break, I decided to talk to mum to clear my head. I felt obliged to put Aberdeen as my firm choice just because the money had been spent on my resits to enable me to get into Aberdeen University; I was worried I’d hate it- FYI I visited Aberdeen yesterday for the offer holder day and loved it. Again, just like the first time, mum was super supportive and gave me a literal shoulder to cry on. She assured me that it’s okay to change my mind to make the right decision for me.

Because I had a 2-week break from the post I’ve, unsurprisingly, forgotten where this was going so I’ll stop here; I have a feeling I made a few relevant points in there.
Also, talk to your family; they’re there for support and I find that talking about your issues helps to clear your head: you might find you become closer to them. Since my little meltdown I haven’t been able to look at a single mother’s day card without welling up, but that might just be because I’m a wet blanket.

So I thought I’d wait until mother’s day to publish this post because it seems like an appropriate day to do so. My mum and I went down to Nottingham on Friday to see NTU and I loved it! I loved the city, the campus, the lecturers. Mum is trying to make me wait til I’ve seen Kent bit I can’t wait to firm NTU 🙂 It’ll all work out in the end.

Happy Mother’s Day to the best Mum xxx
Until next time,
Caitlin x


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