Trying To Find Something To Keep Me Busy

Granted I should have tried to plan my gap year straight after finishing my exams but I was set on the idea of staying in Hexham and trying to find a job. I kept putting off looking for a job, of course, until stress of exams was out of the way, along with learning to drive, something I’ve been thinking about since January time…I thought that if I had one more little thing to think about my head might just explode. This I think is also why I’m only just starting Grade 5 on the piano – a grade is something I haven’t done since middle school. I originally gave up with grades on the piano after a re-sit on grade 4 – I did get a merit after a second try after failing by 2 marks. The thing was that the exams were just too much for my nerves to handle; I’d always be shaking, dreading it and besides this I would down about 10 cups of water from the water from the water fountain to stop my mouth going dry…no examiner will ever be impressed if you keep croaking through your oral exam.

Anyway…we digress! So I only started looking for a job 3 weeks ago. It was after I stayed in a youth hostel in Keswick that I thought it would be so fun to stay and work in the Lake District for a couple of months. For this reason I applied for a youth hostel job at YHA Hawkshead. I then saw that one of the hotels in Hexham was hiring so, after gaining some confidence with the help of some Rekordelig, I asked if there was a job I could apply for. After a job trial which proved that I had no confidence or personality/ customer banter I decided that it might be best just to stick to volunteering. Recently I’ve been looking at some conservational opportunities in Scotland with Trees for Life and with SEEDS in Iceland.
I also am volunteering my time to my former German teacher which means I might get some inspiration to become a German teacher but who knows! I’ve seldom proved myself to be good at explaining things – I’ve always left that to my brothers!

But I guess the point I’m trying to make is that even if you’re not sure of something, just go for it because it might even lead you on a path that you’ve always wanted, just never really appreciated.

I went to a music night at my local Costa back in March with some God-fairing Americans. I remember one girl talking about how she believed that God had set her on the path intended for her when her brother got in a serious accident which then led to her wanting to help other people. This of course was after a brief period of her thinking ‘Why God? Why?’
I however believe that we make our own way in life but even if at first you do feel nervous and down when someone says you have zero confidence/personality, try and try again. Just know that not everyone knows straight away what is in store for them. Also, 3 hours is not long enough for someone to judge another human being like that; there is no way you can know a person in such a way in just 3 hours.

I still don’t know where the rest of my life will lead me but at least I have a loose idea for the here and now and I think it’s safe to say that I’m just winging it.

I’m currently listing to Both Sides Now by Hayley Westenra.

Until next time,
Caitlin x


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